Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
