Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
