my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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