and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
