he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
