trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
