dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
pray to the hookup gods
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
