I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
