watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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