Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize