It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize