Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
