Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
