we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
