My hand turned me down
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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