If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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