Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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