I'm drive I can fine osifer
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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