I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
