How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
