I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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