if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
