She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
