My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
