I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So many bounce houses so little time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
