You just made me feel so damn special
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
