I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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