I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
