I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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