I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She bit a glass in half.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I could fuck to npr.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
