God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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