Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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