She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
