I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
