I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
