When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
