Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
