he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
