East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
