he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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