i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
