nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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