Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
