I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
