The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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