my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
