happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
