when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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