He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
