Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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