Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
handjob tips. give me some.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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