I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
