I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
