..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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