If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my being single is dangerous.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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