So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
