Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
