Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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