I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
