Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have aggressive nipples.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
