I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
COCAINE IS GR8
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
