i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
