I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You smell like stripper and shame
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
