I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize