If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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