i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
