i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
