We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
