Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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