Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We need to rekindle our bromance
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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