Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize