WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
