you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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