We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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