I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
