I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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