Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
