you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
