She announced her abortion via fbk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
