I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
