I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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