Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
