this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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