Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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