Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
