Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
