The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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