i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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