I could have mohawked her pubes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
