The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
