do herpes really smell.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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