I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
