Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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