So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
