Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
