her vagine was all disorganized.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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