it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
