I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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