His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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