Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
