And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
