Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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